I choose the word friendship. Despite popular belief, I struggle with making and maintaining friendships with people. I have two that I really trust and love, but both have moved away- I rarely get to see them. It's been hard, but I haven't really felt the effects until recently. I think this is what has caused my friendships with people at this school (said friends being a whopping 3 people) to shutter and become uneven.
I've thought about this, and I've come to the conclusion that I should retie certain bonds with old friends. I've become distant with them, pushing them away and throwing up walls because of the hole that usually contain the two. (I'm making it sound like they died...) This hasn't helped my situation in the slightest. However, in my defense, I feel easily betrayed, sometimes even questioning loyalties, and this is exactly what has gotten me into this rut. I need to focus on forgiveness- maybe that should have been my word.
This year, I really feel obligated to find more friends, even though I will never be able to replace the two that I have. This is easier said than done. I'm a very shy person, and feel awkward even around people I've know for years. But I've made a vow to myself (and my parents) that I intend to keep. I want to befriend new people.
In time, I believe my wounds will heal. But until then, I need to become a more outgoing, friendly person.
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